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14 Actual Announcements By Flight Attendants. This Is How It Should Be.

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1. “To operate your seat belt, insert the metal tab into the buckle, and pull tight. It works just like every other seat belt; and, if you don’t know how to operate one, you probably shouldn’t be out in public unsupervised.”

2. “Ladies and gentlemen, we’ve reached cruising altitude and will be turning down the cabin lights. This is for your comfort and to enhance the appearance of your flight attendants.”

3. “Please be sure to take all of your belongings. If you’re going to leave anything, please make sure it’s something we’d like to have.”

4. “Thank you for flying on our airline. We hope you enjoyed giving us the business as much as we enjoyed taking you for a ride.”

5. “Please take care when opening the overhead compartments because, after a landing like that, we’re sure as hell everything has shifted.”

6. “In the event of a sudden loss of cabin pressure, masks will descend from the ceiling. Stop screaming, grab the mask, and pull it over your face. If you have a small child traveling with you, secure your mask before assisting with theirs. If you are traveling with more than one small child, pick your favorite.”

7. “Weather at our destination is 50 degrees with some broken clouds, but we’ll try to have them fixed before we arrive. Thank you”

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